Archive for overwhelmed

11w 3d– Nuchal Translucency Scan (NTS)

Posted in Emotions, Genetic Screening, Pregnant with tags , , , , , , , , , on June 12, 2012 by Me

So today was the first visit with the Perinatal Specialist (because of my age). I had another ultrasound done, as well as the  nuchal translucency scan (NTS). This scan helps detect the risk of genetic and heart abnormalities. We also met with a genetic counselor to talk about the risks of genetic abnormalities– for a woman my age, my child has a 1/17 (5.8%) chance of having a genetic problem. That’s a really scary number. Although an optimist would tell me that it’s a 94.2% chance of NOTHING being wrong…

The good news– the baby was super active and appears to be developing normally (actually measuring at 12w).

The not-as-good-news– the nuchal fold measured at 3.0 mm, which is on the cusp of normal (according to the Dr. normal is under 3.0 and abnormal is over 3.0). This means that the baby could be at increased risk for a chromosomal defect (such as Down’s Syndrome) or a congenital heart defect. That being said, 9 out of 10 babies with a nuchal fold of less than 3.5mm are perfectly normal. The only way to be sure is to do either a Chorionic villus sampling (CVS) or an Amniocentesis, both of which have their associated risks. Although the CVS can be done sooner (the amnio can’t be done until 16 weeks), it has a  higher risk of miscarriage (1/100 vs 1/1000), and doesn’t give you as much information as the amnio does. We’ve decided on the amnio, and the test is scheduled for 7/17. It takes about two weeks to get the results back after the procedure is done.

Also– my blood pressure was up to 142/82 from 107/71 a month ago. Granted, they took the reading AFTER I was given the above information, and it took the machine 5-6 tries before the machine was able to get an accurate reading. The Dr. isn’t worried about it, since it was one anomalous reading, but of course it’s something else for me to worry about. Stress levels have been high here, given that Stan’s last day of work was last week, and nothing else has come to fruition yet. I’m really praying that my family is going to come through with the help we need to get us through the summer, until he is teaching again.

I am trying hard not to stress about the whole NTS thing. Of course I’ve been scanning the internet and trying to make it give me information that it has no way of knowing. I just desperately want this baby to be healthy (who doesn’t!?) and it is so scary to think that there might be something wrong. And to know that I can’t find out anything more about it for another 5 WEEKS, or actually 7 weeks, since we have to wait two additional weeks for the test results. So, in the meantime I have to go on as if everything is ok, and try not to worry. Awesome. So all of your good thoughts and prayers are appreciated…

The nice thing is that my specialist is also pregnant and AMA (Advanced Maternal Age), and she had an NTS reading of 2.8, and everything turned out fine.

Next week is my 12 week appointment with my regular OB– Saturday is 12 weeks, so I will attempt to enter this next trimester cautiously optimistic.


8 weeks 3 days

Posted in Pregnant with tags , , , on May 22, 2012 by Me

So the wonderful people at UMC set me up with an OBGYN who will see me free of charge for 90-days with my pending medicaid 🙂

Further synchronicity happened later on the same day as my meeting at UMC. I went into work to do a prenatal massage for a woman who is exactly two months ahead of me. During the massage she gushed about how wonderful her doctor and his RNP are, and how he has taken care of her for all four of her pregnancies. At the end of the session, she gave me his card. Yep, you guessed it. It’s the same doctor that I already had the appointment with! This really gave me some peace of mind with just having a doctor randomly assigned to me.

Had my first prenatal appointment yesterday. Things went well– they set up my referral for the perinatal doctor, who will be supervising my prenatal care. I will be seeing both doctors, starting soon. I’m hoping that I can get in with the specialist by week 10, to get the Down’s Syndrome screening done. I wasn’t able to see the baby at the appointment, as their ultrasound equipment was down, and I won’t be able to get my first ultrasound until my medicaid comes through (unless we can come up with $150 that will be reimbursed after delivery). I did find a place that will do a basic 2D ultrasound to see the heartbeat for $25, so we might just do that. The RNP seemed to think that the specialist might do the ultrasound and bill us for it, so it can be picked up by the medicaid coverage once it goes through. The good news is that we are on day 22 of the application, so it should be approved in the next 23 days…

Blood pressure was awesome (107/71) and apparently my urine was ok, since they didn’t set me up for the glucose challenge test. They did take 10 vials of blood (the phlebotomist got me on the first stick and it didn’t hurt!), so it’ll be interesting to see what all comes back. They are testing my thyroid because it has gotten smaller since I’ve been pregnant. Apparently my body likes being pregnant ok, LOL!

The cramping has pretty much receded, to be replaced by some moderate nausea in the mornings and evenings. Food is definitely not always my friend. The cravings for beef continue (it’s pretty much the only protein that I want), and my blood was nice and dark when they drew it yesterday.

I can’t believe I’m two months in already… mentally, I’m doing better. Having people say, “Congratulations!” doesn’t make me squirm as much, so that’s good, right? I’m still completely freaked out and overwhelmed when they push breast feeding at the WIC office.

Financially, things are about to get even more interesting– since S. is a substitute teacher, he will be done with regular work in the next few weeks, and he hasn’t found anything for the summer so far.  The stress is pretty overwhelming at times.

Wonderful News (I hope)!

Posted in Pregnant with tags , , , , , on May 15, 2012 by Me

Today someone S. works with suggested that we contact the local University Hospital for help with everything. I did some looking online, and discovered that they have a free program where they basically will do case management and advocate for me to help with all of these damn applications. Additionally, I’ll get to see a doctor right away while my application for medicaid is pending! This is all fabulous news, as I was concerned that at the current rate, I might make it in to see a doctor when it’s time to deliver…

In the ongoing Saga of the Welfare Application, I faxed 14 items to the caseworker there, which hopefully will complete our file, but I’m not holding my breath. She is having a really hard time comprehending that I was NOT employed by the last spa that I worked at, and that as such, I did not make an hourly rate, they do not have records of my average scheduled hours, and I’m not eligible for unemployment. She sent me a form for them to fill out, and they’re not much interested in completing it since, well, I’m not there anymore, and I was NEVER AN EMPLOYEE. I wrote the caseworker a nice letter, where I attempted to explain everything in small words, so I’m hoping she gets it. The thing that really sucks is that I can’t call her. She is based out of an office in upstate NV, and works from home, so in order to get in touch with her, I have to either call and leave a message with the office, then they get the message to her, or I have to fax her a letter. Either way, I have to just hope that she gets the message and calls me back soon. It’s somewhat less than optimal.

So, seven weeks on Wed. Wow. And possibly even prenatal care in the next couple of weeks. This is very comforting.


Posted in Pregnant with tags , , , on May 10, 2012 by Me

6 weeks today.

Things have really evened out emotionally– I still can’t even begin to comprehend that we’re going to have a baby, but I’m slowly becoming ok with the idea. I think that I’ll be more excited once I get to a doctor and know that everything is going to be ok.

Welfare has been a total nightmare. All WIC did was hand us the forms and send us on our way. It seems that every time we think we’ve gotten them everything they need, we get a letter telling us that they need another form filled out. The whole massage therapist thing has them completely befuddled, since I didn’t have a consistent hourly rate (and when you take what I made per massage and stretch it out over the dead time when I was just hanging out, it just confuses them even more). Since I’m not at the old salon anymore, I’m just going with unemployed– it seemed like the easiest thing to do, but they STILL want paperwork filled out by the asshat that I use to work for, so we’ll see how THAT goes. I didn’t really want to let them know that I’m pregnant, but apparently it’s EVERYBODY’s business if you need to go on welfare. Hopefully it will all be sorted out soon, so I can get to the damn doctor before my second trimester… I just feel like we are being looked at with suspicion because we are WHITE. I don’t much like that feeling, since we really need the help :-/

I’ve been doing about the same physically– I’m down a few pounds (yay!) and still having the intense cramping. According to friends I’ve talked to and sites I’ve been looking at, it’s pretty normal, and as long as there isn’t any blood, it should all be fine. One friend of mine said that the cramping was so bad that labor, by comparison, was “nothing”. I can totally believe it! There are times when I’m about >< this close to having S. take me to the hospital, but then it passes. They never last more than about 10-15 minutes, but it FEELS like forever.

Our two boy names: Seth Alexander and Sebastian Arthur.  Girl names are: Serra Anastasia and Sabrina Ariel.  Boy/Girl twins are Seth and Serra 🙂

Good Days and Bad

Posted in Emotions, Pregnant with tags , , on April 26, 2012 by Me

Yesterday was a good day. Went to Planned Parenthood and got my official test done– Due date is 12/30/12, and got all of the WIC stuff taken care of.

Was in a great mood all day. Happy to be pregnant, and just generally feeling good.

Today? More sadness. I think the overcast weather might have something to do with it. I’m not nearly as ambivalent about the pregnancy, but I’m just… meh… down. I don’t feel like eating or doing anything else that I need to do. I don’t feel like dealing with making prenatal appointments and figuring all of that crap out. I did, however get the forms for Welfare filled out online– just need to scan and attach all of the supporting documents.

We’re suppose to go out to Jenny McCarthy tonight, and I’d just rather  stay home. I’m still not really tired at all. Slept about 6 hours. Wish I could sleep more– I’m starting to miss sleeping. Although I am thankful to not be totally exhausted all of the time either. My body evidently likes being pregnant (iron was 14.4 at WIC appointment, when 10.4 is normal). Too bad my brain is being such a bitch about it…

Another day…

Posted in Emotions, Pregnant with tags , on April 23, 2012 by Me

I thought that reading about other depressed moms-to-be would help me not feel so isolated. I was wrong. It’s triggered an awesome crying jag. I hate this– it isn’t me at all. It makes it worse that I can intellectualize through the emotions, but I still can’t *do* anything about it. It’s like I’m trapped in this depressed, weepy state, where I feel totally overwhelmed by the simplest things and then guilty for not being excited and happy.

I also have zero appetite– I’m eating because I know that I need to, but I’m full after a couple of bites, and then have to force myself to eat more. I can’t seem to get hydrated– no matter how much water I drink, my pee is still nowhere near clear. *sigh*

There is so much that I should be getting done today. I need to call and find out about the public assistance crap, which is hard to do when you can’t stop crying. I need to learn the WordPress stuff. I should be writing. I should be reading. But instead I just sit here feeling anxious and sorry for myself. Yay for productivity.

I need to just put on the big girl panties and deal. But I don’ wanna :/